


Out of Reach

by geniewithwifi



Series: Hero Quintessence [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Dark Waters, F/M, Heavy Angst, post 4x09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geniewithwifi/pseuds/geniewithwifi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all the painful goodbyes and partings they had been through the past years, times where she had almost-- he couldn’t say the word, from the Count and Slade Wilson. And now Darhk. She had always come back to him. </p><p>Until now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Out of Reach

**Author's Note:**

> I sobbed, cried, broke down the entire time I wrote this. I wanted some angst so I gave myself angst. I am so so so sorry.
> 
> I listened to Losing My Memory by Ryan Star over and over and over while writing this. To give the full impact of the angst and the pain and what is happening in Oliver's head, please listen to the song while reading this, if you want. 
> 
> Warning: Major Character Death
> 
> Please note that this is my personal take. This will not, and ever will not be canon.
> 
> As always, reviews are appreciated but not required.

 

 

“ _No!”_ He screamed, the sound ripping from his lungs in a painful denial. He couldn’t believe it, all his happy endings, his future, the future he embraced just a few short hours ago had suddenly vanished. He had been so happy, so relieved that he had gotten her back from Darhk.  She had been safe in his arms, because  _he had almost lost her._

And the most wonderful thing about her was she knew. She understood and in the moment when he was about to collapse, when he was about to come undone, unravel and implode, two words pulled him back, an echo of every time she was terrified and was on the brink of a breakdown. 

_I’m here._

Now, ten hours later, he watched as the heart monitor only held straight lines. His promise, the promise  _he deserved,_ after all the sacrifices he had made, he had thought that he had been owed one. They both have. 

After all the painful goodbyes and partings they had been through the past years, times where she had  _almost--_ he couldn’t say the word, from the Count and Slade Wilson. And now Darhk. She had always come back to him. 

Until now. 

He was slowly vanishing inside, fading away because nothing was here to anchor him.

She wasn’t here.

Because she was  _there._

On the table. 

A tube through her mouth that was slowly being removed.

The IV was being pulled out. That stupid instrument that gave nutrients and life to people in need. They were removing it from  _her._ She would have been complaining about needles, how much she hated them, how she would always flinch whenever he or Dig had to sew him up after a particular nasty fight.. 

But it was coming out.

Because she didn’t need it anymore.

The only reason that it was even possible because she was  _gone_. 

Just like that. 

“Mr. Queen--” A nurse was there, the pity clear upon her face. He whirled away from her, screaming for Felicity to come back to him. He couldn’t do this without her. Not without her smiles, her light, her total positive outlook on the world. 

He would be lost to the darkness forever. It would creep back from where they had shoved it together. 

His partner, in every way. The perfect balance, the epitome of teamwork, their lives entwined to become one. 

So close. 

They had been so close. He had leapt after her, asking her the question that had been following him around for months, to scared to try and have it all, to have both.

Because every time he did, another tragedy would happen.

He was so stupid for thinking that it wouldn’t happen again.

They were going to get married, live together for the rest of their lives. She was going to be his  _wife,_ something permanent, something he hadn’t had since the Queen’s Gambit. She was his constant, his iron rod in the murky shadows. His past, his present, and his future.

He had never planned on that only being a few short hours. 

“ _FELICITY!”_ He couldn't hold it any longer, the grief the pain the agony, the anger at destiny, at his constant punishment of this life. Hadn’t he lost enough? Why did it have to take her too?! Why her? 

He wanted her back, even if she didn’t know him. He wanted her back, even if she had the urge to kill. He wanted her back, even if it meant his life for hers.

The world wouldn’t survive without her light. 

He wouldn’t survive.

No. He wouldn’t  _live._

For years he had done just that, survive. Analyzed human nature, evaluated threats and eliminated targets. He had become the first and only priority, no matter the consequence. He had a promise to keep and that came first. He had to survive to keep it.

It was the only thing left he had of his father. 

But things had changed. Surviving wasn’t enough. Surviving meant letting the darkness overrule. Survival meant losing her.

Living was her.

And now she was gone.

He collapsed in a chair, the bustle filtering to white noise, the nurse trying to talk to him an annoying fly. He didn’t care. Nothing in the world was important. Actions, people, emotions drained to black and white, all in shades of grey. She had taken the color with her. 

“No. No. No.” He couldn’t stop saying that.  A denial that he lived in. Relished. Because as long as he was there, she would be there. Perhaps around the corner, just out of sight. Maybe she was in his ear, a faint clicking noise as she typed. Or she had gotten overwhelmed at work, intent on a project that she just had to have finished.

She wasn’t someplace he couldn’t follow. 

She wasn’t out of reach.

She wasn’t...  _dead._

She was right  _there_. 

A touch on his shoulder made him look up, the tears he had hid for so long escaping, because he was strong, he was immovable, he was stone, had cracked from outside forces, being weathered down to nothing. 

The same nurse was there and she grasped his hand and dropped something into it. Something silver, heavy and unbreakable. 

A ring.

_Her ring._

The ring he had given her just a few hours ago, when she had promised to make him the happiest man on earth. 

A diamond. Cold, shiny and hard. A guarantee of forever. 

The last thing he had of her. So simple and so small, encased in his huge palm. Tiny, but brilliant.

Just like her. 

He gripped it in his hand, the stone cutting into his palm. He just squeezed harder, hanging onto what was left with everything he had. 

In his head, he could still hear her sharp cries of his name as she was drug towards the gas chamber, the same place where he had watched a man die a few short minutes before. 

Her breathless ‘I love you” as he was terrified that he would watch her die. She had kept saying it, the entire time she had been in there. 

He had watched her die. From a  _bullet wound._

 _“My own scar.” T_ he memory tore at him, how pleased she was that she now had a scar to match them. So proud that she had saved Sara, that she was a hero like the rest of them. How he wished he could tell her that she was  _his hero._ She would always be his hero. High on painkillers she had proclaimed herself his girl.

_His girl._

She would always, always and forever, be his girl.

He closed his eyes and submitted himself to the darkness, the blackness of his past.

Because his future,  _his light._

Was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in response to my own question-- How would Oliver feel and take it if Felicity really did die. This is not what I believe will happen. This is what I believe could happen if Felicity wasn't such an important character. There is always a potential for great pain, and I took the darker road. I wrote it knowing that this would never happen in canon. I wanted angst and I didn't want to take the typical route of Felicity losing her memory. Because I love reading them, but I can't write what's already been written. 
> 
> I hope I make sense. This is AU paralleled universe where the Fates snipped the thread instead of passing it by. 
> 
> Come commiserate with me please.


End file.
